I have been writing this blog post in my head since my second child was born. When I told my husband about wanting to write it, he goes, "why put yourself out there? Just write in a journal or diary like everyone else." Well, the reason why I don't want to just keep my thoughts to myself is for the relatable feedback I hope to get in return for sharing my experiences. I want to build a community of mom friends that get it. Ones that can relate too, or can give me advice on better ways to be a good mom and wife.
(writing pause to go get my crying, teething baby.)
Sigh. This night was supposed to be spent putting away my laundry and tidying up my room. I'll tell you one thing: there is no way the chick who wrote The Art of Tidying has children.
Before people have kids, everyone has this idea of what parenting will be like. For most of us, the reality becomes that parenting is about surviving each day.
(writing pause to go get my crying, teething baby.)
Sigh. This night was supposed to be spent putting away my laundry and tidying up my room. I'll tell you one thing: there is no way the chick who wrote The Art of Tidying has children.
Before people have kids, everyone has this idea of what parenting will be like. For most of us, the reality becomes that parenting is about surviving each day.
I always thought I knew what being a mom would be like before I had children because I have been babysitting children since I was 12 years old. I had those classic thoughts, "My child will never behave like that _____________!" Fill in the blank - in public, at the dinner table, before bed time, in front of other people, out to dinner, at the grocery store...you get the point. Before I had children, I thought I would just put them in their place and teach them how to be a perfectly respectable tiny human who always listened to me the first time and would never dare act up anywhere.
I will now give all current moms a moment to laugh hysterically and nod their heads in agreement. All future mothers may smirk and still believe all of the above to be possible. It's cool, I once thought you as think now. Sweet lady. Dream big, girl. Dream big.
Then I had two boys. I realized this whole "control every action and prevent every upset and outburst before it even happens" plan is about as realistic as me jumping off my couch and flying into the next room. Reality check. You are not going to always keep your child from getting upset, being unhappy, crying or (heavens to Betsy!) throwing a temper tantrum. As a matter of fact, they might just go ahead and act out any and all of the above behaviors due to your wonderful parenting techniques to raise them to be decent tiny humans. So what am I saying here? If you expect your tiny human to always be completely perfect and never need to be kept in line, you are in for a rude awakening.
Maybe you will be lucky and have a child who is just the most perfect little angel who eats all of their veggies, says, "Yes, Mam!" and says "How high?" when you say jump. But in case your sweet little person doesn't always agree immedietly with your commands and rules, just remember: it's okay, Mama! These kiddos are not perfect, and neither are we. That's okay. We cannot ask them to be something that we cannot be. Jesus is and was the only perfect human to ever walk this Earth. The rest of us have to figure this all out as we go.
Another important thing I have learned about parenting along the way: you cannot, and I repeat - cannot - compare your sweet babies to anyone else's. Ya'll,... I have tried. My babies are not your babies and vice versa. They feel differently, think differently, act differently, talk differently, have different families and backgrounds and relationships and ideals and desires and goals and dreams and....on and on. You get my drift. Now throw in their parents and siblings and families who they live with and are rasing them. We are all different! We cannot possibly expect our littles to be like someone else's little one (or big one - all ages apply here).
I have finally gotten to the point where I will go somewhere and I have decided to not bring them with me places as often. Partly, as a consequence for a time they have misbehaved before while being out with me. If they misbehave they lose the privelage of going out with me to do said thing or similar errand next time. Also, partly because us parents need time to just be us and do adult outings for a moment of Zen. This might be getting gas, going to the grocery store, getting a shot (ha ha) any of the things we grown ups have to do. Lately, I have been visiting family solo. My husband stays home with the boys and I go see my family by myself. I actually get to have an adult conversation that way and don't have to worry about my family who don't have young children anymore fretting that my boys will knock over every breakable thing in their home. It's a win-win for all of us. SO when someone asks me how my sweet boys are...I say "Wild". I tell the truth. I say they enjoy playing and fighting in their free time, wrestling and always wanting to play with the exact same toy. It's true. My oldest is only 6 and already I am over saying, "Oh, they are great thank you." If you ask me how my boys are, I will tell you the truth. They are rowdy and silly and the are constantly testing the limits and finding their boundaries. They can be the sweetest ever and have such calm and zen moments, and then all hell breaks loose and consequences are given and everyone is sent to their own corner of the house. 😅
I started writing this post in 2018. Today is the first day in 2021, and I have decided this post is being posted to kick off my 2021 New Year's resolution of not caring what other people think. It's the best resloution I have ever attempted. I don't plan to succeed most of the time. But when I force myself to try, I have a chance. I am a habitual people pleaser <- scratch that. I was a habitual people pleaser. But before 2020 was over, my most recent moments caring of what others think happened... and in that moment, a switch flipped. It was the most amazing feeling. I suddenly was like, "Why do I care what these people think?" It was a miracle.
I wanted to write this and post it three years ago, but I was too afraid to be judged or criticized. But now, I find freedom in not caring. I just hope that some of you Mamas can relate. This post is for any Mama who thought raising babies would be so much easier because they are or were a teacher or babysitter or nanny, etc. Then we had our own and were like, holy crap! I've got some work to do! Hang in there Mama! You are doing the best you can. Don't ever be afraid to reach out when raising these babies gets tough. Most of us (if not all) feel your pain. There might be some perfect Mamas and babes out there, but not on this blog. So please, don't ever be afraid to commisserate any parts of Motherhood with me, or be willing to offer helpful Momming advice. It takes a village after all.
Happy New Year, Mamas! May your babies, no matter how old they are, be the best listeners and well behaved this 2021 year. And if they are not, I'm here for ya Sister! We're all in this together.
-Virtual Hugs
Ashlie
