This roller coaster ride called pregnancy.

For those of you who follow me on Facebook, or have read my blog posts before, you know that I am a pretty open and honest person. I like that about myself. I have been inspired by others who share their stories so openly without fear. Sure, it's not easy to ignore judgments of others, especially when I am being told I "over-share". However, anytime I open up right now about the things I am going through with my pregnancy and someone tells me they have been through that too, I suddenly breathe a little easier and feel a little better. 

We had a scare today, and this post explains what has been going on. As a writer, I find sharing therapeutic. Sure, it's not for everyone, but today I share because I am humbled by the power of prayer and know our little guy could use that more than I need privacy. 

If you would like to leave me a comment, please do so below and refrain from doing so on FB. You can private message me or text me if you prefer not to comment on the actual blog. But if you are reading this, please feel open to comment directly from this page! I promise I won't think you're a creeper! lol ;)

So please be forewarned: This is another one of my famous honest posts. I have read so many stories of pregnant mommies who can laugh, joke and be completely honest about some of the not so wonderful parts of pregnancy. 

When people ask me how I am doing, I know I am supposed to answer in the same way as when someone says, "Hey! How are you?". We are not really supposed to be like, "Well, this and this and this are all crappy!". 

So on a positive note: my mom's sister and sister in law threw me an amazing shower two weeks ago. It was an adorable Fox themed shower, and those two ladies (with help from friends) did such an amazing job! It was a great shower! 

Such amazing forest details! 

I got the "How are you feeling?" question that is typical to ask, and I was honest. I mean, hey, these are my closest family and friends, right? If I can't be honest with them, who can I be honest with? So I said, "Well, my lovely morning sickness came back, I am insanely tired all the time, and I can hardly walk through a grocery store without having pains".

What I didn't tell them was that those said pains feel like my uterus is falling out of my body, and my stomach gets even harder than it normally is. Which, by the way, is always in a state of being as hard as a rock. 

The night after my shower, I started having pretty painful cramps. I called upon (or texted) my favorite small group of new mommies for some advice. I got the overall answer of "I had better let me OB know what was going on". I tried to sleep on it and hope the pain would be gone in the morning after some tylenol and a ton of water. No such luck.

 I was up all night with cramps and finally was instructed to go to  the ER. I had already been there once before for insanely sharp jabbing pains only to find out it was just round ligament pain. I wouldn't have gone but the OB on call at the hospital had me count the pains for two hours and told me if I was still having them that I had to go in. So of course, those nasty jolts that took my breath away and stopped me in my tracks didn't go away, and I had to go in. 

This time around, I was having insane cramps and my OBGYN wanted me to be seen in case I was going into early labor. 

I talked the OB on duty into seeing me and drove my painfully cramping self to the office a half an hour away, which took an hour to to get there while I sat in dead stopped traffic. There was a semi pulled over by two highway state patrolmen, which apparently means all three lanes must stop. Just why people? It's cool, I might be going into early labor, but really - take a half an hour to gawk at a semi pulled over on the side of the road. Sigh. 

The OB did a test to see if I was in early labor, but I would have to wait until the next day to find out the results. Does that make sense? Pretty sure the baby could have been here by then. Oh, and she mentioned that my cervix was soft. No explanation what that meant, just stated it and sent me home for a two day bed rest. I was so bummed! I had just started babysitting for a friend I have known since the 8th grade! 

I have not been working for months now since I have moved back home and was really looking forward to finally being able to contribute a little bit to our family. I applied to an endless amount of jobs, spending hours on cover letters and applications. No one wanted a 6 month pregnant lady who would have to go on maternity leave in four months. grr, and deep sigh of disappointment. 

So let me explain why the whole not working thing really got to me.

I took a safe sitter course at one of the local hospitals at 12 years old. I also took balloon making classes. That's right, I learned how to make balloon animals so I could work for a company to which I paid 5 bucks a week to, to who would then schedule me to work in different restaurants and make balloon animals for children there in the evenings. 

I love this guy with all my heart and soul! <3

I went to school, did some homework, worked a couple of nights a week, and babysat on weekends...at 12. I did that for years until I was 16. Then, I babysat still, worked at the ymca and still made balloon animals at restaurants. I didn't get to go to football games on friday nights, but I learned how to balance my checkbook and manage my bank account. I still was able to participate in drama club and choir, but didn't have time for sports or things like that with my work schedule. 

I have been working since I was 12 years old, until this year (apart from when I had a full schedule while in college). I stopped working at the end of April when my morning sickness was making it impossible to do any kind of normal activity, like get ready for work, or put on a bra without it making me throw up, let alone try and care or the lives of under 20 children (which of course in a great responsibility). I felt so awful, and on top of that, situations arose where I felt the safety of my baby was in jeopardy, and had to quit work much more abruptly than I would have preferred. But we don't always have control over things in our lives. At the time I could only control mine and my baby's safety and wellbeing. Now I know though, God knows what we can't see. He knew what was ahead for me during this pregnancy, and that working was not in the plan for now. 

He thinks he's so funny! ;)

So alas, my most recent visit to the OB had me placed bed rest with a fear of preterm labor. I would go back today to see if I had progressed, and in the meantime, I had to take it super easy. I could shower and make myself food. That's it. No lifting anything, no moving too much. Rest, rest rest. 

Until today. 

I am choosing to share this because life isn't about me anymore. It's about my baby. Who's name I clearly need to choose asap, though I am pretty sure it was chosen for us (story for another day).

When I went in to my check up today, I mentioned the cramps, not mentioning I had been having them for days. My OB had instructed me to go into the ER if I had been getting cramps prior to my apt. to get a shot that would speed up the process of lung development for my little guy, and something to try and knock out or slow down contractions. 

However, the past few days I have been having cramps daily. I have been told by so many people that pains during pregnancy are normal, and so I tried to just suck it up like everyone else. Each time I have been sent off to the ER nothing has happened, so I was tired of staying up until 3am there just to be sent home with a hefty bill and not much else. 

The nurse at the OB office hooked me up to a monitor, and sure enough, I was in labor. 

Mother Trucker. 

I would have to be sent off to the stinkin hospital, again, at 32 weeks. This time, I was told, he could come today. My mom had luckily decided to come with me today, so she drove us to Triage at Akron City Hospital. After one shot for the baby's lungs, one to try and knock out contractions, and the lovely IV poke, I just had to wait to check on my "progress".  

The contractions eased up a bit, and the good ole cervix stayed closed. Thank GOD. Really. I am so grateful today. We thought this was it. I was prepared to have my lil guy today. I had my mom, a dear friend who had been through a similar situation and my another very close friend who is also a mamma to be who will be my son's godmother via text keeping my sane and getting me through. Don't feel bad if I didn't text you, we wanted to keep it super private until we had a better understanding of what was going to happen. It was a day for the moms to be moms.

I am only willing to tell you now because like I said before, my baby is #1 now. I am humbled today, and believe so strongly in the power of prayer. We thought we were having our baby today, or if anything next week. But with the shots, we have a chance to aim for two weeks from now, or even longer. 

The nurse said some women have this happen and go on to deliver a healthy 42 week old baby! So now I turn to you my friends and family. Will you please send me and my baby some positive vibes and/or prayers. I don't like to ask for this sort of thing, and I know it makes my mom uncomfortable for me to share such a private story, but today is not about me. It is about giving my little guy the best chance possible for life. I will gladly accept some positive energy and prayers headed his way. I already love someone so much whom I have never met, but get to feel inside. I feel such a deep nurturing desire to protect his life already. I only want what's best for his safety and health. Sure, this pregnancy has been rough, but so look forward to meeting our miracle boy after he is there for as long as possible! Everyday that he stays in there is for the better. 

p.s. - Since there is a chance I will not make it to my birthing class two weekends from now, anyone who could share some tips with me for pain management, would truly make my day. Please only respond by posting a comment to this blog. I will you adore for it. You can also text my cell or private message me on Fb. 

Thank you for sharing such a personal and serious time with me. 

                                     

So much love,

Ashlie & Ross