For many years now, I have had the desire and dream to write a novel for young women based upon some of my own life experiences, and those of women whom I have met.
Most people know that a first novel is bibliographical, because the easiest and most comforting way to begin any new endeavor is to begin with the known. The unknown can be so frightening.
I have slowly prepared myself for conquering this task for quite a while now.
I began writing plays as a young child, and talking my childhood friends into acting them out.
I wrote in journals as a young girl and teen, and well into my early twenties. Then I put on my big girl panties and started a blog.
In college, I majored in English, and took many courses that allowed me to practice my creative writing skills and introduced me to criticism and "positive feedback". The best part of college is the hope you are given to honestly attain your dreams. Improving a skill you love is certainly good for the ego.
But more importantly, my college classes gave me the much needed push to have the guts to share my writing.
Believe me, I was always nervous and petrified for classmates and professors to read my work. I was always mortified if I made a lot of errors, or if my work needed major rewriting. However, it was all a part of the process of becoming a better writer.
On another side of the equation to reaching my goal, I have been giving inspirational talks at retreats since I was in middle school. It's not public speaking alone that made me so nervous I wanted to get sick, but opening up to total strangers about personal, deep stuff that had me scared to death.
I was afraid of being judged, and in turn disliked. It's scary to put yourself out there.
In college my peers would help me improve my grammar and creative writing skills, and in the blog world, anonymous readers would either praise my posts, or rip them apart. But if J.K. Rowling can still publish novels under pseudonyms, than I can sure do that before I find out how good of a writer the rest of the world (or however large of an audience I am ever able to reach) thinks I am.
But I have a goal that is deeper than just putting out a best seller. I want to honestly reach young women. I want to teach them life lessons that they can learn vicariously through my stories I write without having to ever experience them on their own.
In this past month, I attended an In-service at work, and a women's retreat that have both pushed me to the idea of making time to accomplish my dreams. It may be something I have to suck it up and try, but what I heard this month, is that you have to try or you will never achieve your dreams.
I have had to ask myself, do I want to take the easy road in life, live in mediocrity and just skate by, but never follow my heart to what I want to do with my life, or do I take chances, get dirty, and try my damnedest to write a successful novel?
It may be scary to put myself out there, but I won't know if I can if I never try.
At the retreat, I mentioned that I have never had the experience of praying, flipping open my bible, and finding God's words that spoke to me in that moment. Tonight, that happened to me for my first time ever.
I have been praying about writing, and what to do with my future, when I turned to Ezekiel , and these words in bold popped right out at me. "You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny." -Psalm 73:24-25
And there on the next page, I found Ezekiel Chapter 2, titled "Ezekiel's call and commission".
Though scripture was written so long ago, if we relate the stories to what we are experiencing in our own lives, the message can work in our lives for us today. In the chapter I read, God is commissioning Ezekiel and says"
"You must give them my messages whether they listen or not." The chapter talks about how the nation of Israel at the time was full of stubborn and hard-hearted people. Tell me that does not sound familiar in our nation today? Are we not stubborn? I know some of us are hard hearted. We may not feel that way on the inside, but what do we show outside? Are we kind, or are we hard?
No matter how well I write my message that I hope some will find encouraging, there will always be critics, and there will be people that have to learn from their own mistakes. But does that mean I shouldn't write what I want to anyways? Of course not. If only people who were cruel and judgmental used that time to do something good in the world. That is all I want to do.
What have you been holding back doing for fear of judgement? Is it worth it to not try to achieve your dreams due to fear of failure? What do you wish you could do differently in your life? I dare you to try it.
Be brave. You just might be glad you were.
