Why our little boy might be our only natural born child.

It has been forever since I have had the energy to blog. My last post on the blog described the first scare we had where we thought the baby (One Mr. Jackson Patrick) would be born at 32 weeks. I am sharing my pregnancy experience for all of those who ask me why I would consider only having one natural born child.

First of all, my husband and I have always considered only having one child with our genes, and adopting a child of the opposite sex. We actually would love to have two children, but we are not in a rush to think about numbers now. For now, we want to enjoy this child we have just brought into the world without already thinking about the next. Our son deserves our undivided love and attention right now.

I know I don't have to share my experience, and that I could keep my reasons for not wanting to experience another pregnancy and child birth to myself, but people are so darn judgmental that I want them to really understand what I went through so that they just might have an idea why I would not want to experience what I went through again. With that said, there are plenty of children in Foster care who deserve a better home with a loving family. God has placed the idea of adopting on Ross and my hearts a long time ago. This experience in my opinion was God's way of sealing the deal so I wouldn't even want to consider being pregnant again. Don't worry, later I will answer the whole, "It might be different next time" reasoning.

As some people already know, I spent the first part of my pregnancy sick all day long, every day. My "morning sickness" was so bad that I had to stop working. Ross and I then moved home to be closer to family and closer to a support system. Our plan was for me to find a job when we moved back home and buy a house.

Early baby bump. 

 I was in my best friend's wedding in July and was going to wait until after we came back from her wedding in Florida to start working. Once we came back, I was showing enough to the point that employers would blatantly tell me that they were not willing to hire me because I was pregnant. Our hopes of buying a home went on the back burner, and we stayed with my mom part of the way through the summer.

Ross's mom retired and wanted to give living in Florida a trial run. So we moved to her condo while she would be away until just before Christmas. But once I hit my 3rd Trimester, I went from being a pregnant lady who walked a bit slower with a waddle, to one who was in so much pain that I could hardly walk anymore without feeling as if I was about to go into labor.

I first began experiencing cramps and back pain at 32 weeks. I was having pain in my hips that I later found out during one of my OB visits were back labor pains. At my 32 week appointment, my contractions were coming every 10 min and my OBGYN was sure he was coming that day.

I was sent to Triage where I was given my first round of steroids and another injection to stop labor. Ross drove home from WV just in time for me to be released from the hospital, and so began our miserable journey of back and fourth "false labor" scares that would last the duration of my pregnancy.

When we hit week 35, I returned to Triage, once again sure he was coming early. My back labor pains were extreme, I was having sharp pains in my abdomen, cramping, the whole shebang. I was sure this was it. Once again, I was sent home with another ruling of false labor. I was having full fledged contractions, but I was not dilating. My OB believed that a previous surgery might be preventing me from dilating but since I was preterm, neither she, nor the hospital were willing to help my labor along. So 28 oz of water chugged later, I was sent home again.

When I entered the 3rd Trimester, my nausea returned and I pulled my groin muscle doing yoga. A pulled groin takes weeks to heal, and by the time my groin was in any shape to work out again, my body was not in any shape to pick exercise back up. I was so bummed and worried about gaining too much weight. My OB told me to just try walking to get some exercise. I was having (clears throat) bathroom issues. Yes, those are another lovely side effect of pregnancy (would you like to have regular bowel movements? Well, sorry about your luck...). I had to beg my OB to let me stop taking my iron pills. I was slightly anemic and she wanted me to have the extra iron, but trust me it was not worth it.

All of these "false labor" incidents began occurring after each of my baby showers. At this point, I could no longer go to the grocery store without feeling as if my uterus were dropping out of my body and like I could go into labor at any moment. Lovely, right? During my last trip to the grocery store, Ross had to come and rescue me because I didn't think I could walk any further. I literally waited for him in the cold dairy section of Giant Eagle. Just walking to the front of the store left my legs stiff and heavy as if they were filled with cement.

 I just didn't get why my body was reacting this way. I started out as a very fit woman. I was working out in the beginning of my pregnancy when my nausea eased up a bit in the 2nd Trimester. Most women work until they go into labor. So why was I having so much trouble so early? I couldn't imagine getting any bigger and what that would bring.

At this point I had a small group of girlfriends who were either expecting themselves or were new mommies who I began to chat back and forth with regarding my pregnancy 'side effects' (as I will call them). Thank God for them. Really. You know who you are, thank you for being there for me. Most women I talked to hadn't had such a debilitating pregnancy, but anyone who could relate to any of my 'pregnancy symptoms' made me feel just a little bit better and just a little bit more normal.

One of the hardest parts of this stage of my pregnancy was being put on bed rest at this point. I was told I could shower and make myself food, that was it. I had to try to get the contractions to stop coming. I was having cramping and pain in my hips and back every single day. I could no longer walk up and down stairs without causing my contractions to get stronger. So Ross and I had to leave his mom's condo and move in with my mom in her ranch where I could avoid stairs and a lot of walking. Ross just wasn't able to work and take care of me at the same time.

At this point, I could no longer dress myself; not because of your typical, "I can't reach my toes" kind of pregnancy issue, but because to bend caused me great pain. The baby was in a position that caused something some women feel during actual labor called 'back labor' where the baby is pressing their head on your spine. Quite comfy, let me tell you! Except, lucky me, I was having 'back labor' pains weeks before I was due. I tried back exercises but they didn't help. At this point I could hardly walk or stand for more than 10 mins at a time. I was tired of being in pain and not being allowed to go anywhere. It was like being on house arrest.

We snuck in some pregnancy photos right before I was put on bed rest.
Ross thinks he's funny demonstrating what life is like as a pregnant lady. Ha.

At this point, talking to my 'Mommy friends' got me through this time stuck in the house. My mom and my husband helped me out immensely. They were so patient and kind, and I know they were tiring of helping me. But I reached a point where I had to practically be helped into the bath tub every so many hours when my back pain became so intense that I could not sit, stand or lie down. Only floating in the tub provided me some relief.

I tried to get answers from my Obgyn as to why I was experiencing these profound pains that most women don't have until they are in "real labor". She told me that I was just really small and that was why I was having so much trouble. I know plenty of mommies who were even smaller than I was and had not had my lovely issues.

So I promised myself I would never make myself go through this again. I was back to being sick on a daily basis and had to start taking Zofran again in order to eat and function. My daily routine basically consisted of me floating in the bath tub for a couple of hours, going through Lord knows how much water. I would eat meals in the tub just to be able to stay in longer and have relief from the pain. Ross figured out that if we looped my pregnancy pillow into two circles stacked on top of one another, I could rest my belly inside it and have some of the pressure taken off my back without having to be in the tub constantly. In the weeks b/w 32-35, I could sit on an exercise ball to get some relief but after week 36, only the tub and pregnancy pillow provided relief.

Week 36 was hell. I cried everyday because the pain was so intense. I had insane contractions and back labor pain. My OB was out of town, and my mom was getting ready to go on vacation for her 60th birthday and 11 year anniversary. One of my closest friends was also going through trouble with early labor and she and I joked about how our boys were competing to see who could be born first. I just can't stress enough how those who stayed in touch with me made such a difference getting me through each day.

Luckily the week my mom was in Mexico, Ross's mom came home from Florida to help take care of me, and the pain was more manageable in week 37. I still would need to get into the tub once the pain would suddenly hit, but I had moments where I could sit in the living room and watch t.v. without any pain. Those times were a blessing.

Most people had no idea how hard this pregnancy was on me. I was just ready for it to be over. I wanted my baby out and safe. I was tired of all of these 'false labor' trips to Triage at the hospital. I kept asking how on earth I was going to know when the real thing would happen since all of my symptoms mimicked being in labor. They told me I would just know. #Awesome and #Thanksfornothing.

My mom came home the 24th. I talked to God that night and told him that I had enough and couldn't take the pain and suffering anymore. I begged him to let my baby come. I was beyond ready. That night at 1:00a.m. just two hours after we had gone to bed, my water broke! And thank the Lord, it BROKE! Not just a trickle, it was gushing just like in the movies! (I had been told by my Ob not to get my hopes up for an obvious sign that my water had broke) I woke up Ross and my mom. Ross called the Ob office and she told me I could shower but then I had to go in to Triage.

In Triage I was checked to make sure my water had really broken, and was officially admitted. Sadly, I will always remember that night as the first night the rioting began after the verdict that the police officer would not be put on trial. We watched a bit of the news about the buildings being burned, but then I decided I didn't want to hear about all of that hate and destruction on the day of my baby's birth. For us, this would be a beautiful day to remember.

They checked me in and got me a room! After all of the trips to Triage, I was finally being moved to a delivery room! Sadly, the two birthing rooms with a tub were taken. I wasn't sure if they would have allowed me to get into the tubs anyways since my water had broken, but those rooms were so much nicer than the rest. I wish they would just make more rooms with tubs since they are clearly so popular and in high demand.

Then the waiting game began. Thank God my water broke because I was still not dilated! I would have been sent back home had my water not broken. Good grief! This time however, the contractions really started getting stronger. This was really it!

I will leave the rest of the birth story for another blog post.

My husband and I were grateful and blessed to have a "healthy" pregnancy in terms of our little boy being healthy. We are appreciative of the opportunity to be parents. Just because I had a miserable experience being pregnant does not mean that I am not grateful for the opportunity to be a mommy. I just wanted to put that part out there. However, since the only explanation I was given to why I had such difficulty carrying my baby was that I was small, I have no reason to believe my next pregnancy would be any different. I did a lot of research on nausea and morning sickness during pregnancy. Those who are ill throughout most of their pregnancy tend to have the same experience again in the next pregnancy.

My husband and I would like to buy a house in the near future, and we just can't afford another year of my not working. Even though time is already fading the memories of my pregnancy pain, I have to document what I went through so I can remember how hard it was on us. I wasn't the only one who was impacted by my debilitating pregnancy. It caused me to have to quit my job, which is obviously a big deal, it put off buying a house, which is a huge deal, and it was just a lot of work for my husband and my mom.

Ross was the most supportive husband a girl could have asked for. My pregnancy was the most humbling experience of my life. We put our wedding vows of "through sickness and health" to the test. It's no secret why women are willing to put their bodies through pain and suffering to have more children. Once they are here, it was all worth it. I love our little boy. He was worth every moment. But there is no reason why we can't just spoil him rotten and have a family of three. Or we might decide to adopt or a foster a child. We can choose to do that too. Only time will tell.

Happy 30th Birthday Husband! You are the best husband a woman could ever ask for. I love you!

Birth Story Part 2

When I first go into my room and met our nurse, she hardly spoke and seemed to be in a bad mood. I asked her if she would not put my iv on the side of my wrist because it had caused me a lot of pain in the past. So what did that ...... do? She put the damn thing in the side of my wrist! And guess what? It caused me a ton of pain and it didn't go in properly. So she had to take it out and try the other arm. She put it in the same spot on my other arm. GRRR. I was so close to asking for a different nurse right there in that moment. Ross and I tried to be friendly to her, but she was little miss crabby! I asked her what time she would be my nurse until, knowing she would leave at the end of her shift, and she told me 7. Luckily she pretty much left Ross and I alone to breathe through the contractions, and she was gone by 7a.m.

Ross slept for the good first part of my labor. I just tried to breathe through the contractions, but I couldn't help but feel bummed that all of this was not going the way I thought it would. I had this whole idea of changing positions and walking around and using an exercise ball. The ball the brought me was pumped up with too much air so it caused more pain than it helped. I had stupid painful Iv's in my arm with pitocin to help my labor along since I wasn't progressing and it had been hours! I was feeling extremely discouraged and really needed some kind of boost.

Then, Mary Poppins walked through my door! Okay, not really, but she was the sweetest lady I have ever met in my life, and her name was Donna. If you go to Akron City Hospital to deliver, ask for her. She is amazing. She helped me breathe when they contractions were horrific. All morning long I had horrendous contractions with no sign of progressing through labor. I was starting to wear out. I was getting to the put where I couldn't breathe through the end of the contractions and it was then that I agreed to the epidural. I was scared to death of getting that shot. Ross was allowed to stay while they put it in, and it was definitely not enjoyable. I could feel the left side of my body going numb, but not so much the right. The anesthesiologist told me I could have it removed and redone, but there was no way I was going through that again. I said just leave it. I get what I get and that's it. I had relief for many hours. It was until the epidural began wearing off and I could feel the contractions again that I was checked and was finally starting to progress! When 2:00p.m. came along, I was really getting discouraged.

A young male med student came in at some point and introduced himself and told me he would be there for the delivery. When he left I looked at Ross and said, "No Students! You tell them No! I want as few people in this room as possible when he is coming!!!" Let me give you a spoiler, don't ever say you want something in life to go a certain way, unless you really want a big surprise. Ha.

I didn't want some insanely long labor, and yet here I was. They OB on duty told me he might not come today, and I was really upset. My lovely nurse Donna decided it was time I accept a little refill of the epidural to help get me through the contractions again once I was tuckering out from my breathing. The medicine slightly helped until I was almost 10 cm. Then, at least 8 other women on my floor began the final stages to push and MY Donna had to help a girl next door deliver her baby. A new nurse came in just to keep an eye on me, and I told her this was it. I felt ready to push so someone had better give me the green light. I started doing the "blowing the candle thing" where you blow if it is not time to push when you get a sensation to push so you don't rip.

The Dr. came in and told me I was at 10!! I was bummed that Donna was not going to be there for me when she had been so amazing all day long. The med student had come in and checked on me a few times that day, and sure enough, there he was along with this nurse I had just met and I was ready to push. Ross had one leg, the med student had the other, and the new nurse was playing catch.

It turned out, they were exactly the team I needed. They told me my Dr. had been called, but wouldn't get here until right before the baby was ready to make his way into the world. Everyone kept asking us if we had his name ready. The truth was I had been resisting the name that was meant to be for months. The day Ross and I found out we were having a boy, I was getting the ultrasound and Ross was sitting across the room from me in a chair. I was so sure it was a girl. In the first moment of shock, I heard the name Jackson in my head. Later we went out to lunch so I could let the news sink in that we were having a boy, and Ross told me he had the same experience. Call it divine intervention or whatever you want to, but it was quite freaky. I had eliminated that name from our list of choices because it was so popular, and because my cousin had named her first born son that name. Granted, they do live in Texas and he is a teenager, but still. So for the next few months I searched for a different name.

Fast forward to me pushing in the delivery room, and in my head I was saying, "Come on Jacks!" I looked at Ross and started to cry, I knew that was going to be his name. We just felt that it was what God wanted his name to be. Call it corny, but you don't mess with that feeling. You just go with it. The nurse told me the pushing was going to take 3 hrs. I told her the hell it was! My epidural wore off the right side of my body completely. I was having a half natural child birth. This group of three ended being the most awesome team for me. The nurse made me use the mirror so I could see even though I didn't want to, but it really did help me see the progress I was making.  I pushed with every contraction for an hour and a half. My OB finally arrived right on time! Sadly the little guy was in distress, and as little as he was, and 10 cm or not, they had to give me an episiotomy and use the vacuum to get him out.

I had wanted a natural child birth where I birthed in a tub. The tub room was taken, and by the time the last few weeks of my pregnancy came along, I was over the idea of not having pain relief. I was done with being in pain. I didn't care if it didn't make me the bravest mom alive to willingly feel horrid pain. Yet, when the actual delivery was happening, I felt everything. My epidural had worn off and it was way past time to get a "refill". I felt everything in the end. The cutting, the vacum, the stitching. To top it all off, there were abouut 20 ppl in my room for the final moments. So much for my birth plan. I guess using the vacuum requires a niccu unit to inspect the baby right after birth. Oh, and I should mention I wanted to do skin to skin immediately after he was born. I couldn't do that either.

But finally, our baby was born! I cried with relief when I heard him cry. The pregnancy was finally over! The 300 ppl (Okay I am overexagerating slightly) finally cleared out, and I was done! Ross and I had a moment where I finally got to do skin to skin. Then my overexcited hubby started calling our family, and the next thing I know, they were all on their way. Jackson was born at 6:44p.m. I have to admit, as sweet as it was for our family to all come. I wish we had more time with just the two of us to soak it all in before we had visitors. Ross hadn't even held Jackson yet by the time our whole family was there. It didn't seem like a big deal at the time, but it kind of bothers me now. I think the Mom and Dad should definitely hold the baby first before visitors come. I even wish we had waited until morning. I hadn't slept in so many hours. 

This roller coaster ride called pregnancy.

For those of you who follow me on Facebook, or have read my blog posts before, you know that I am a pretty open and honest person. I like that about myself. I have been inspired by others who share their stories so openly without fear. Sure, it's not easy to ignore judgments of others, especially when I am being told I "over-share". However, anytime I open up right now about the things I am going through with my pregnancy and someone tells me they have been through that too, I suddenly breathe a little easier and feel a little better. 

We had a scare today, and this post explains what has been going on. As a writer, I find sharing therapeutic. Sure, it's not for everyone, but today I share because I am humbled by the power of prayer and know our little guy could use that more than I need privacy. 

If you would like to leave me a comment, please do so below and refrain from doing so on FB. You can private message me or text me if you prefer not to comment on the actual blog. But if you are reading this, please feel open to comment directly from this page! I promise I won't think you're a creeper! lol ;)

So please be forewarned: This is another one of my famous honest posts. I have read so many stories of pregnant mommies who can laugh, joke and be completely honest about some of the not so wonderful parts of pregnancy. 

When people ask me how I am doing, I know I am supposed to answer in the same way as when someone says, "Hey! How are you?". We are not really supposed to be like, "Well, this and this and this are all crappy!". 

So on a positive note: my mom's sister and sister in law threw me an amazing shower two weeks ago. It was an adorable Fox themed shower, and those two ladies (with help from friends) did such an amazing job! It was a great shower! 

Such amazing forest details! 

I got the "How are you feeling?" question that is typical to ask, and I was honest. I mean, hey, these are my closest family and friends, right? If I can't be honest with them, who can I be honest with? So I said, "Well, my lovely morning sickness came back, I am insanely tired all the time, and I can hardly walk through a grocery store without having pains".

What I didn't tell them was that those said pains feel like my uterus is falling out of my body, and my stomach gets even harder than it normally is. Which, by the way, is always in a state of being as hard as a rock. 

The night after my shower, I started having pretty painful cramps. I called upon (or texted) my favorite small group of new mommies for some advice. I got the overall answer of "I had better let me OB know what was going on". I tried to sleep on it and hope the pain would be gone in the morning after some tylenol and a ton of water. No such luck.

 I was up all night with cramps and finally was instructed to go to  the ER. I had already been there once before for insanely sharp jabbing pains only to find out it was just round ligament pain. I wouldn't have gone but the OB on call at the hospital had me count the pains for two hours and told me if I was still having them that I had to go in. So of course, those nasty jolts that took my breath away and stopped me in my tracks didn't go away, and I had to go in. 

This time around, I was having insane cramps and my OBGYN wanted me to be seen in case I was going into early labor. 

I talked the OB on duty into seeing me and drove my painfully cramping self to the office a half an hour away, which took an hour to to get there while I sat in dead stopped traffic. There was a semi pulled over by two highway state patrolmen, which apparently means all three lanes must stop. Just why people? It's cool, I might be going into early labor, but really - take a half an hour to gawk at a semi pulled over on the side of the road. Sigh. 

The OB did a test to see if I was in early labor, but I would have to wait until the next day to find out the results. Does that make sense? Pretty sure the baby could have been here by then. Oh, and she mentioned that my cervix was soft. No explanation what that meant, just stated it and sent me home for a two day bed rest. I was so bummed! I had just started babysitting for a friend I have known since the 8th grade! 

I have not been working for months now since I have moved back home and was really looking forward to finally being able to contribute a little bit to our family. I applied to an endless amount of jobs, spending hours on cover letters and applications. No one wanted a 6 month pregnant lady who would have to go on maternity leave in four months. grr, and deep sigh of disappointment. 

So let me explain why the whole not working thing really got to me.

I took a safe sitter course at one of the local hospitals at 12 years old. I also took balloon making classes. That's right, I learned how to make balloon animals so I could work for a company to which I paid 5 bucks a week to, to who would then schedule me to work in different restaurants and make balloon animals for children there in the evenings. 

I love this guy with all my heart and soul! <3

I went to school, did some homework, worked a couple of nights a week, and babysat on weekends...at 12. I did that for years until I was 16. Then, I babysat still, worked at the ymca and still made balloon animals at restaurants. I didn't get to go to football games on friday nights, but I learned how to balance my checkbook and manage my bank account. I still was able to participate in drama club and choir, but didn't have time for sports or things like that with my work schedule. 

I have been working since I was 12 years old, until this year (apart from when I had a full schedule while in college). I stopped working at the end of April when my morning sickness was making it impossible to do any kind of normal activity, like get ready for work, or put on a bra without it making me throw up, let alone try and care or the lives of under 20 children (which of course in a great responsibility). I felt so awful, and on top of that, situations arose where I felt the safety of my baby was in jeopardy, and had to quit work much more abruptly than I would have preferred. But we don't always have control over things in our lives. At the time I could only control mine and my baby's safety and wellbeing. Now I know though, God knows what we can't see. He knew what was ahead for me during this pregnancy, and that working was not in the plan for now. 

He thinks he's so funny! ;)

So alas, my most recent visit to the OB had me placed bed rest with a fear of preterm labor. I would go back today to see if I had progressed, and in the meantime, I had to take it super easy. I could shower and make myself food. That's it. No lifting anything, no moving too much. Rest, rest rest. 

Until today. 

I am choosing to share this because life isn't about me anymore. It's about my baby. Who's name I clearly need to choose asap, though I am pretty sure it was chosen for us (story for another day).

When I went in to my check up today, I mentioned the cramps, not mentioning I had been having them for days. My OB had instructed me to go into the ER if I had been getting cramps prior to my apt. to get a shot that would speed up the process of lung development for my little guy, and something to try and knock out or slow down contractions. 

However, the past few days I have been having cramps daily. I have been told by so many people that pains during pregnancy are normal, and so I tried to just suck it up like everyone else. Each time I have been sent off to the ER nothing has happened, so I was tired of staying up until 3am there just to be sent home with a hefty bill and not much else. 

The nurse at the OB office hooked me up to a monitor, and sure enough, I was in labor. 

Mother Trucker. 

I would have to be sent off to the stinkin hospital, again, at 32 weeks. This time, I was told, he could come today. My mom had luckily decided to come with me today, so she drove us to Triage at Akron City Hospital. After one shot for the baby's lungs, one to try and knock out contractions, and the lovely IV poke, I just had to wait to check on my "progress".  

The contractions eased up a bit, and the good ole cervix stayed closed. Thank GOD. Really. I am so grateful today. We thought this was it. I was prepared to have my lil guy today. I had my mom, a dear friend who had been through a similar situation and my another very close friend who is also a mamma to be who will be my son's godmother via text keeping my sane and getting me through. Don't feel bad if I didn't text you, we wanted to keep it super private until we had a better understanding of what was going to happen. It was a day for the moms to be moms.

I am only willing to tell you now because like I said before, my baby is #1 now. I am humbled today, and believe so strongly in the power of prayer. We thought we were having our baby today, or if anything next week. But with the shots, we have a chance to aim for two weeks from now, or even longer. 

The nurse said some women have this happen and go on to deliver a healthy 42 week old baby! So now I turn to you my friends and family. Will you please send me and my baby some positive vibes and/or prayers. I don't like to ask for this sort of thing, and I know it makes my mom uncomfortable for me to share such a private story, but today is not about me. It is about giving my little guy the best chance possible for life. I will gladly accept some positive energy and prayers headed his way. I already love someone so much whom I have never met, but get to feel inside. I feel such a deep nurturing desire to protect his life already. I only want what's best for his safety and health. Sure, this pregnancy has been rough, but so look forward to meeting our miracle boy after he is there for as long as possible! Everyday that he stays in there is for the better. 

p.s. - Since there is a chance I will not make it to my birthing class two weekends from now, anyone who could share some tips with me for pain management, would truly make my day. Please only respond by posting a comment to this blog. I will you adore for it. You can also text my cell or private message me on Fb. 

Thank you for sharing such a personal and serious time with me. 

                                     

So much love,

Ashlie & Ross

A whole new world.

I'm back! I took a hiatus from blogging for a while when I was feeling the need to be just a bit more private. But my mom likes to tell me that "the whole world" doesn't want to be reminded that I'm pregnant with my posts of what vegetable the baby is the size of this week, or whatever other prego talk I like to mention. So, with her advice in mind, I have decided to start blogging again. That way, anyone who doesn't care to hear about the life of a pregnant lady (don't worry, there will only be four more months of that!) can simply not read my blog posts.

My little man at our Anatomy Scan Appointment.

But seeing as this is now what I will consider my "safe sharing space" I will gladly tell you that this week I am 26 weeks along, and still in the 2nd Trimester. 

I use the Ovia Pregnancy App on my iphone and check it almost daily to see how the baby is growing. The app also gives me information about common things that I will be experiencing at this point in my pregnancy and what to expect at upcoming OB appointments. It's something I really look forward to seeing everyday. 

I named this post "A whole new world" because my world is certainly changing. Ross and I have been home for four months now, and I have accepted that I am not going to be able to get hired while I am pregnant, even though I applied for a million jobs. I didn't think about my profile picture showing up when a potential employer searched my name, as many do now. My cover photo and profile pic gave away my pregnancy. So who knows what might have been different if I could have at least landed myself an interview. Oh well, I will just enjoy the time off work.  I have always wanted to write a novel, so now would be the perfect time. 

The things that have changed:

Please keep in mind as your read my posts, that any bits of info that might come off as "pregnancy complaining" are really only meant be funny, if not relatable or informative. Forgive any "over-sharing". Remember, safe space and have a sense of humor.

- I now have Ross help me put my socks on when he is around. Luckily, summer doesn't require socks very often, though I am one of those weird people who likes to sleep in socks unless I get really hot at night (which does tend to happen more often than not these days). 

-I am pretty sure my lady parts and feet are still there, though I cannot see them any longer from standing and looking down. lol 

-I love shopping for baby clothes more than buying clothes for myself. I know whatever clothes I wear now are temporary and therefore do not want to buy more than I have to. But baby clothes however, bring them on! Kohls cash and coupons always goes towards baby stuff already!

-I am tired all the time. The whole second trimester magical energy never made it's way into my life. And yes, I am super jealous of all of those spunky pregnant ladies out there who have the energy to jump around and work out still. I actually miss exercise. My body decided not to be able to handle some simple yoga, and my groin muscle has been pulled for about 4 weeks now. Sigh.

-I  have always noticed that my friends who were mommies seemed to have a special connection to other mommies. I had wished that they could feel just as connected to me still, a childless friend, but now I get it. I reach out to my mommy friends all the time for advice and clarity. It's such a nice support system.

-Non mommy friends are still super important to me, though I can already feel the drift and it makes me sad. Don't worry ladies, pregnancy isn't contagious! ;) I am still me, only now I am about to experience this great next phase in life called being a mommy!

-My hair! I cut off my hair which was about as long as it had been in years! My long hair was driving me nuts and I was tired to taking care of it and having it take forever to style everyday! Oh, I love it shorter btw!

Before

After

What I am looking forward to:

-The 3rd Trimester! Meaning, being further along, and closer to holding my baby boy in my arms!

-Seeing my little guy at our next ultrasound! 

-Having everything we need to set up the nursery.

What I'm afraid of:

-I have already had nightmares about going into labor and not having my hospital bag packed yet. Any suggestions on how soon to pack my bag? 

-Going into labor too early, or being overdue. I have friends and co-workers who have had preemie babies, so it's always in the back of my mind. I have also had friends who were super late, so I know that is a definite possibility and probably more likely.

-Any complications. My OBGYN is having us have another ultrasound on Tuesday due to her concern over the baby's growth. I just hope he is indeed growing just fine, and is as healthy as he should be. 

-You know, getting huge! Stretch-marks, and a postpartum body. I don't even want to think about it yet. 

-Ross not being able to make it to my side in time for the birth. He could be in court, or working hours away. My mom had both my brother and I in about 2 hours. I doubt many women hope for a longer delivery, but I will that day if he can't make it in time. 

I am sure everything will be fine and will go perfectly, but there's always the "What ifs?"

Until next time. 

A Pregnancy Story

If you couldn't tell, I decided to keep mum about my pregnancy until the second trimester. I did this for two reasons:

1. When you tell anyone you are pregnant, horror stories of pregnancies gone wrong start flowing out of people's mouths. So basically, I was scared shitless to have any confidence in my pregnancy until I hit that "safe point" second trimester mark. Though technically, things can go wrong at any point in a pregnancy, so much for optimism, eh? But I also knew of friends and family who experienced tragedies, and was too afraid to get excited yet. 

2. Most pregnancy books and articles I had read, explained that for all of the reasons above, it is safer to wait to announce until the second trimester, though they say it is always up to the couple to decide when it is right for them to share. 

From the beginning my mom told me I read too much, but really, people will fill you in on their own with their own experiences. It wasn't anything I read that gave my anxiety about the "what ifs?". It was the "this is what happened to me" stories that had me on guard the entire first trimester. 

So here is how my pregnancy story starts out. Ross and I had been trying for a couple of months. We made the decision that even though we were still newlyweds, we had taken much more time to move along down the path of life than most people, putting us much further in age of the starting to have children years.  We didn't even meet until we were 24, dated for 5 years while we finished our degrees, and then the guy (finally) pops the question. I know you are just supposed to "live life" and not worry about a ticking clock or anything, but good ole Facebook sure does have a way of being like, hey, look at all of your friends and family who are already married with kids. Wow, you are farrrr behind. Oh, and they have been done with college forever. 

But if I hadn't waited to get into the Dental Hygiene program, and taken the classes I did, I wouldn't have met some of my good friends with whom I met in college, or because I took the path I took. I wouldn't have met Ross at all. So, things happened the way they did and I am glad. But back to the pregnancy story. We decided we were ready, but each month that came and went with a negative result brought us more disappointment.

Don't get me wrong, Facebook didn't pressure me into a child bearing time clock, I have worked with children for many years and have been wanting to have one of my own now for a long time. Ross and I just wanted to wait until the time was right for us. It can be hard not to compare your own journey to others, but you always have to do things in your own time, when it's right for you. Everyone's story and journey is unique. 

We decided to give up trying at the end of March when I took my last negative pregnancy test. I was so bummed again. I set the test down on the bathroom counter, and told Ross the news. He was bummed, but instead got me all pumped up for some time off trying.

I was going to get ripped for my friend's wedding in Siesta Key this summer, I was going to get drunk on fru fru drinks there. It would be a blast! So, I stuck with this high intensity training routine I had started that month. I had heard that working out was actually helpful when trying to conceive, but I was also hoping that if I could start a routine now, I could continue to exercise at full blast into pregnancy. 

My "before" picture as I started High Intensity Training has become my "before pregnancy" picture.

(Oh, and most women's bikini's cover less, so I don't even want to hear about my outfit in this shot, trust me, I was just at the beach!)

Fast forward a couple of hours that day we had decided to take a break...

Ta Da! Surprise!

I have heard many times that the moment you stop trying to achieve something you have been struggling with, like conceiving, it will happen. It did! Though Ross immediately started googling whether or not I was really pregnant because the second lines were so faint. But everything we read basically said, "Suck it up sucker, she's pregnant!" Ha.

The joke was on us, we thought we were done, and really, our journey had just begun. This post is long enough for today, but bump pictures are soon to follow.

Big Move

My husband and I have a big exciting announcement! 

We are moving home!!!!

The story of our move starts from the summer that we met, back in 2009. Ross was just about to start law school and would be moving away at the end of the summer that we spent working together at Camp Y-Noah as Summer Day Camp Director and Assistant Director. (That's how we met, in case you didn't already know) ;)

Ross moved to Ada, Ohio to attend Law School at Ohio Northern University. We had a long distance relationship for a year which was extremely difficult after working together at a place where we lived and saw each other and worked closely together everyday! But we made it through! I was going to school at Kent State's Stark Campus and majoring in English. Luckily, there was an Ohio State Lima Branch 15 min away from Ada, Ohio, so I transferred schools to continue working towards my degree out there. And so began my journey of being away from home for the first time. 

For someone who switched High Schools during the first half of their Junior year, from a school district I had gone to since kindergarden, I knew how hard these kinds of transitions could be. No matter how hard you try, it's not easy to keep your friendships as close when distance comes in b/w you, because you just don't physically have the time to get together. Luckily technology has made staying connected easier with a simple text, and at the time phone calls. But let's be real, people rarely call each other anymore. I have to take this time to say as a person who isn't able to see family and friends as often as I would like because of distance, texting is not the same as actually being able to see that person and interact with them face to face. I know that for some people, that fulfills their connections, but it's just so...lacking for me. 

I would rather sit with a friend or family member, face to face and have a good chat, or do something fun together. But hey, that's just me. But that experience has been a huge dilemma of mine when it comes to the physical distance b/w myself and my close family and friends back home. You would think that fact that living only a couple of hours away wouldn't mean I would hardly get to see my loved ones, but trust me, no one is excited to come out to Ada, Ohio. When I did come home on some weekends, our parents would battle over our time. :* Kisses, we love you. lol But that made it even harder to ever make time for our friends. 

When we lived in Ada, I told Ross that this just wouldn't work if I couldn't have a cat. He was allergic, so we did some research and found that some allergy sufferers can live with Siberian cats who have a low amount of the hormone in cat's saliva that causes allergy sufferers to reach to cats. She is like our child. We spoil her rotten and love her to pieces! 

But things happened along the way, that made us realize their were bigger challenges that came with living even just a couple of hours away from home. On Mother's Day three years ago now, my brother was involved in a fatal car crash that killed the driver of the other vehicle who was at fault, and a friend in the vehicle in the car which he was also a passenger. He and the others survived, but it was a long road to recovery both physically and mentally for our entire family. I can't tell you the emotional downside to feeling so far away and not being able to get home quickly. That makes a two hour drive feel very long. 

It was then that Ross and I always had an end goal of someday moving home in mind. 

During one summer break we moved to Beckley, Wv so Ross could work in Summersville for a summer internship. I took summer classes to work towards my degree. We rented out the basement of a house that had been turned into an apartment. However, the basement didn't have air conditioningand it had what every basement has, finished or not, spiders! I swore we would never again live in West Virginia! Joke's on me! ;)

We lived in Ada, Ohio for two years while we both finished school. 

Ross graduated Law School.

We got engaged! 

I graduated from The Ohio State University of which I am so proud!

Then we moved in with some very dear friends for the summer while Ross took on his first big job as an attorney working for Bob Cupp while he ran for his re-election. 

They let us move in despite the fact that we are Browns fans. ;)

During that time, I did what I knew best and worked as a pre-school teacher at a local church. When the election was over, after long hard hours where our hearts and minds were put through the ringer for this election, our party suffered a defeat, and we had to move on again. 

This time, we went home for the summer and stayed with my mom while we contemplated our next move. I almost forgot the dreaded bar exam, that was a full time job for Ross to study for. He passed on his first attempt! 

Then Ross got his first job out of Law School working as a Disability Attorney in Parkersburg, Wv. So we moved to Belpre, Oh, right on the river. 

We got married on October 5, 2013. Planning away away from home is a huge pain in the ....

We have lived in Belpre for a year and a half now. We have made many friends along the way, and had amazing opportunities. But moving home has as always been an end goal and has always been in the back of our minds.

 We have both lost a grandparent this year, and have had to make multiple trips over the past couple of years for weddings, showers and all kinds of special events. There have been many times when we had to miss events because it becomes too difficult to come home on a regular basis. First of all it's expensive to drive home often and second of all, we have work to keep up with here at home. My grandma has been ill, and I haven't been able to come home to visit her as much as I would like. We have ultimately been reminded of how important it is for us to be back with family. 

We have missed seeing our family and friends and are completely overjoyed that we are now going to be moving back home! We are currently house hunting but are not in a rush and want to take our time to really look. We will be moving home Memorial Day weekend! We will finally have more time to visit with family and friends, and I honestly can't wait to be back home with a support system! We will certainly miss the connections we have made here but will be sure to come back and visit the special friends! :)

I hope everyone has a very Happy Easter!