I have been trying everything in my power to hold myself back from writing about this topic in fear of offending my dear sweet mommy friends who really are super awesome moms, friends, wives, girlfriends, etc., and women all around, however, it's gotten to the put where it just might help to know that I am not the only one who has felt or feels the way I do about this journey as a mother.
So first let me say that I admire all of the mommy friends in my life and are so happy to have a supportive and awesome network of mommy friends. I of course love all of my non-mommy friends too, and even feel a little more at ease in our conversations because I never feel that pressure of having to compare the milestones my child has hit to someone else's child.
That might sound silly to some, and some moms might care less when your child hits a milestone or how ahead or behind their child is in relation to other children their age. To you, I say, you must stress so much less than I and that must be so nice! I wish I knew how to be more like you!
But instead, I am left always feeling like I am struggling to keep up with other moms with all of the milestones my child seems to be so far behind in achieving and it makes me feel like I am not doing a good enough job. It makes me feel like I suck as a mom.
When Jackson was born, I couldn't push him out. I tried and tried, but I was going on one hour of sleep and his labor was 18 hours in by the time I was pushing. I had no energy left, and he was stuck. They had to use the suction device on him to get him out. Because of this, I believe that is the cause of him having torticollis. The muscle in his neck was open and then kinked in a way where blood entered the muscle in his neck and was then stuck inside. He basically had a very tight muscle. We figured this out when he was about 2 weeks old and I noticed a lump in his neck.
From there he saw a specialist where we were all sure it was a cyst that needed to be surgically removed. How I wish that was the case. Instead, he has been in physically therapy every two weeks since. He has had trouble turning his head and lifting it. We have been supposed to do physical therapy with him 6-8 times a day. Let me tell you how hard it is to try and fit that in when we both work.
Jackson is 6 months old, and still has no desire to roll on his own. I have hung out with mommy friends whose kids literally just roll like crazy next to him while he lay on his back. It's so humiliating to me because I feel like this is a reflection of my parenting skills. Why can't I get my child to do things that others are doing? Multiple friends of mind had children who were born pre-mature and yet their children could roll, walk and crawl in circles around him and they are so close to his age. They had to overcome being behind too, yet they are surpassing babies abilities who were not born preemies.
I promise you it's not for a lack of trying on my end. He gets "tummy time" and floor time. I work with him and do his physically therapy and try to get him to roll and crawl and stand and hold his weight and jump, and all of the other things he is supposed to be doing that I feel like I learn I should be doing way too late.
Everyone says children do not come with instruction manuals, but yet, there is actually a lot of written information out there about milestones and what babies should be doing by certain ages.
Before I had a baby, many of my childless friends used to complain about how annoyed they would get when their friends with children would post on Facebook about milestones. But I get why that is so exciting! I get why a parent would be so proud of this big moments and want to share this with their family and friends. As parents we are happy for our children when they are ahead of where they should be or even right on par. I wish I could say I knew what that felt like.
Jackson has been so far behind since he was only a couple of weeks old. He hated tummy time because it hurt his neck. He hated to turn and hold up his head. Ross and I have struggled to find time to do his physical therapy with him as often as 6-8x a day like his physical therapist has recommended.
I wish we could afford to have me stay at home with him and do physically therapy 8 times a day and work on him hitting his milestones but my pregnancy was so terrible that I was hardly able to walk and was put on bedrest because he kept trying to come early. I was told I could not work if I didn't want my son to be born extremely pre-mature. Even when I tried to find a job, people would take one look at my belly and actually tell me that I could not be hired because I would be on maternity leave before too long.
I have many people who ask why I don't just stay at home with him, and it's so hard to have this conversation when I wish I could just take a year off and be a stay at home mom. I would never talk about finances with the world but geeze, if I have to then let me say I have not worked for a year before Jackson was even born! I was busy crawling on my hands and knees to get to the bathroom while my friends happily worked until their their babies were born. I have already had my year off. I wish we were well off enough to just take a second year off from making any income!
It's so hard to watch all of my friend's babies hit their milestones early while Jackson is so far behind. I brought up all of my worries about this to Jackson's pediatrician who is also my physician. She told me not to rush him and that all babies hit milestones at their own pace. But this is false. Babies hit their milestones when parents make them practice enough that they can finally do it own their own. So unless your kid pulled themselves to a standing position without you at all, don't tell me they did it on their own. If you did not help them at all, and I mean not holding their hands or arms or helping pull them up, then you assisted them. So how is that having them hit milestones in "their own time"? It's not. This is why I feel like I am not doing enough. Ross and I have a book called The Growing Child. This book is either out of date, or it leaves out some important milestones because Jackson can do most of the things each month that are age appropriate for him. However, all of my friend's babies are going way beyond that. I didn't realize we were supposed to be trying to make him do things that are months ahead.
Then I turn to Google, and what do I find? But information telling me that he could be doing more by now. I think, "great, so he IS behind!" It's so frustrating! I had no idea I would suck at this. I have been a nanny and have babysat for children for years! I guess their parents just did all the hard work and I had no idea.
I never thought I would feel so stressed and bad about my parenting skills. But now all I have to do is get on Facebook and see what everyone else's child is doing who are Jackson's exact age or very close and see that they are basically crawling, walking and standing while he would rather sit and play. Sigh. So I just want to know, am I the only mom who feels this way?
I suppose if your child has always blown through milestones or yours is the one ahead of everyone you know then you would think my worries are stupid, but you wouldn't know how hard it is to feel like you are a good mom when your child is "behind". It's my worst fear come true. Before Jackson was born I planned on trying to be that mom whose kid would blow through milestones like everyone I seem to know, but alas he had to be born with an issue that would challenge us all to get him to be on track with his milestones.
We have an exersacuer that he can bounce or jump in, but he just won't do it. I try to help him stand or jump
This might all seem silly to you, but it makes me feel like I am failing. It take a lot of courage to share this.
Ross and I have talked about how I read so many articles on Facebook that people post and the time I waste scrolling through my newsfeed that I have decided to take the rest of June off Facebook. If seeing all of my friends feeds just makes me feel like a bad mom, then maybe I need to take a break from FB. If I spend more time reading articles when I should be using that time to build up my back muscles exercising
So first let me say that I admire all of the mommy friends in my life and are so happy to have a supportive and awesome network of mommy friends. I of course love all of my non-mommy friends too, and even feel a little more at ease in our conversations because I never feel that pressure of having to compare the milestones my child has hit to someone else's child.
That might sound silly to some, and some moms might care less when your child hits a milestone or how ahead or behind their child is in relation to other children their age. To you, I say, you must stress so much less than I and that must be so nice! I wish I knew how to be more like you!
But instead, I am left always feeling like I am struggling to keep up with other moms with all of the milestones my child seems to be so far behind in achieving and it makes me feel like I am not doing a good enough job. It makes me feel like I suck as a mom.
When Jackson was born, I couldn't push him out. I tried and tried, but I was going on one hour of sleep and his labor was 18 hours in by the time I was pushing. I had no energy left, and he was stuck. They had to use the suction device on him to get him out. Because of this, I believe that is the cause of him having torticollis. The muscle in his neck was open and then kinked in a way where blood entered the muscle in his neck and was then stuck inside. He basically had a very tight muscle. We figured this out when he was about 2 weeks old and I noticed a lump in his neck.
From there he saw a specialist where we were all sure it was a cyst that needed to be surgically removed. How I wish that was the case. Instead, he has been in physically therapy every two weeks since. He has had trouble turning his head and lifting it. We have been supposed to do physical therapy with him 6-8 times a day. Let me tell you how hard it is to try and fit that in when we both work.
Jackson is 6 months old, and still has no desire to roll on his own. I have hung out with mommy friends whose kids literally just roll like crazy next to him while he lay on his back. It's so humiliating to me because I feel like this is a reflection of my parenting skills. Why can't I get my child to do things that others are doing? Multiple friends of mind had children who were born pre-mature and yet their children could roll, walk and crawl in circles around him and they are so close to his age. They had to overcome being behind too, yet they are surpassing babies abilities who were not born preemies.
I promise you it's not for a lack of trying on my end. He gets "tummy time" and floor time. I work with him and do his physically therapy and try to get him to roll and crawl and stand and hold his weight and jump, and all of the other things he is supposed to be doing that I feel like I learn I should be doing way too late.
Everyone says children do not come with instruction manuals, but yet, there is actually a lot of written information out there about milestones and what babies should be doing by certain ages.
Before I had a baby, many of my childless friends used to complain about how annoyed they would get when their friends with children would post on Facebook about milestones. But I get why that is so exciting! I get why a parent would be so proud of this big moments and want to share this with their family and friends. As parents we are happy for our children when they are ahead of where they should be or even right on par. I wish I could say I knew what that felt like.
Jackson has been so far behind since he was only a couple of weeks old. He hated tummy time because it hurt his neck. He hated to turn and hold up his head. Ross and I have struggled to find time to do his physical therapy with him as often as 6-8x a day like his physical therapist has recommended.
I wish we could afford to have me stay at home with him and do physically therapy 8 times a day and work on him hitting his milestones but my pregnancy was so terrible that I was hardly able to walk and was put on bedrest because he kept trying to come early. I was told I could not work if I didn't want my son to be born extremely pre-mature. Even when I tried to find a job, people would take one look at my belly and actually tell me that I could not be hired because I would be on maternity leave before too long.
I have many people who ask why I don't just stay at home with him, and it's so hard to have this conversation when I wish I could just take a year off and be a stay at home mom. I would never talk about finances with the world but geeze, if I have to then let me say I have not worked for a year before Jackson was even born! I was busy crawling on my hands and knees to get to the bathroom while my friends happily worked until their their babies were born. I have already had my year off. I wish we were well off enough to just take a second year off from making any income!
It's so hard to watch all of my friend's babies hit their milestones early while Jackson is so far behind. I brought up all of my worries about this to Jackson's pediatrician who is also my physician. She told me not to rush him and that all babies hit milestones at their own pace. But this is false. Babies hit their milestones when parents make them practice enough that they can finally do it own their own. So unless your kid pulled themselves to a standing position without you at all, don't tell me they did it on their own. If you did not help them at all, and I mean not holding their hands or arms or helping pull them up, then you assisted them. So how is that having them hit milestones in "their own time"? It's not. This is why I feel like I am not doing enough. Ross and I have a book called The Growing Child. This book is either out of date, or it leaves out some important milestones because Jackson can do most of the things each month that are age appropriate for him. However, all of my friend's babies are going way beyond that. I didn't realize we were supposed to be trying to make him do things that are months ahead.
Then I turn to Google, and what do I find? But information telling me that he could be doing more by now. I think, "great, so he IS behind!" It's so frustrating! I had no idea I would suck at this. I have been a nanny and have babysat for children for years! I guess their parents just did all the hard work and I had no idea.
I never thought I would feel so stressed and bad about my parenting skills. But now all I have to do is get on Facebook and see what everyone else's child is doing who are Jackson's exact age or very close and see that they are basically crawling, walking and standing while he would rather sit and play. Sigh. So I just want to know, am I the only mom who feels this way?
I suppose if your child has always blown through milestones or yours is the one ahead of everyone you know then you would think my worries are stupid, but you wouldn't know how hard it is to feel like you are a good mom when your child is "behind". It's my worst fear come true. Before Jackson was born I planned on trying to be that mom whose kid would blow through milestones like everyone I seem to know, but alas he had to be born with an issue that would challenge us all to get him to be on track with his milestones.
We have an exersacuer that he can bounce or jump in, but he just won't do it. I try to help him stand or jump
This might all seem silly to you, but it makes me feel like I am failing. It take a lot of courage to share this.
Ross and I have talked about how I read so many articles on Facebook that people post and the time I waste scrolling through my newsfeed that I have decided to take the rest of June off Facebook. If seeing all of my friends feeds just makes me feel like a bad mom, then maybe I need to take a break from FB. If I spend more time reading articles when I should be using that time to build up my back muscles exercising
