Why our little boy might be our only natural born child.

It has been forever since I have had the energy to blog. My last post on the blog described the first scare we had where we thought the baby (One Mr. Jackson Patrick) would be born at 32 weeks. I am sharing my pregnancy experience for all of those who ask me why I would consider only having one natural born child.

First of all, my husband and I have always considered only having one child with our genes, and adopting a child of the opposite sex. We actually would love to have two children, but we are not in a rush to think about numbers now. For now, we want to enjoy this child we have just brought into the world without already thinking about the next. Our son deserves our undivided love and attention right now.

I know I don't have to share my experience, and that I could keep my reasons for not wanting to experience another pregnancy and child birth to myself, but people are so darn judgmental that I want them to really understand what I went through so that they just might have an idea why I would not want to experience what I went through again. With that said, there are plenty of children in Foster care who deserve a better home with a loving family. God has placed the idea of adopting on Ross and my hearts a long time ago. This experience in my opinion was God's way of sealing the deal so I wouldn't even want to consider being pregnant again. Don't worry, later I will answer the whole, "It might be different next time" reasoning.

As some people already know, I spent the first part of my pregnancy sick all day long, every day. My "morning sickness" was so bad that I had to stop working. Ross and I then moved home to be closer to family and closer to a support system. Our plan was for me to find a job when we moved back home and buy a house.

Early baby bump. 

 I was in my best friend's wedding in July and was going to wait until after we came back from her wedding in Florida to start working. Once we came back, I was showing enough to the point that employers would blatantly tell me that they were not willing to hire me because I was pregnant. Our hopes of buying a home went on the back burner, and we stayed with my mom part of the way through the summer.

Ross's mom retired and wanted to give living in Florida a trial run. So we moved to her condo while she would be away until just before Christmas. But once I hit my 3rd Trimester, I went from being a pregnant lady who walked a bit slower with a waddle, to one who was in so much pain that I could hardly walk anymore without feeling as if I was about to go into labor.

I first began experiencing cramps and back pain at 32 weeks. I was having pain in my hips that I later found out during one of my OB visits were back labor pains. At my 32 week appointment, my contractions were coming every 10 min and my OBGYN was sure he was coming that day.

I was sent to Triage where I was given my first round of steroids and another injection to stop labor. Ross drove home from WV just in time for me to be released from the hospital, and so began our miserable journey of back and fourth "false labor" scares that would last the duration of my pregnancy.

When we hit week 35, I returned to Triage, once again sure he was coming early. My back labor pains were extreme, I was having sharp pains in my abdomen, cramping, the whole shebang. I was sure this was it. Once again, I was sent home with another ruling of false labor. I was having full fledged contractions, but I was not dilating. My OB believed that a previous surgery might be preventing me from dilating but since I was preterm, neither she, nor the hospital were willing to help my labor along. So 28 oz of water chugged later, I was sent home again.

When I entered the 3rd Trimester, my nausea returned and I pulled my groin muscle doing yoga. A pulled groin takes weeks to heal, and by the time my groin was in any shape to work out again, my body was not in any shape to pick exercise back up. I was so bummed and worried about gaining too much weight. My OB told me to just try walking to get some exercise. I was having (clears throat) bathroom issues. Yes, those are another lovely side effect of pregnancy (would you like to have regular bowel movements? Well, sorry about your luck...). I had to beg my OB to let me stop taking my iron pills. I was slightly anemic and she wanted me to have the extra iron, but trust me it was not worth it.

All of these "false labor" incidents began occurring after each of my baby showers. At this point, I could no longer go to the grocery store without feeling as if my uterus were dropping out of my body and like I could go into labor at any moment. Lovely, right? During my last trip to the grocery store, Ross had to come and rescue me because I didn't think I could walk any further. I literally waited for him in the cold dairy section of Giant Eagle. Just walking to the front of the store left my legs stiff and heavy as if they were filled with cement.

 I just didn't get why my body was reacting this way. I started out as a very fit woman. I was working out in the beginning of my pregnancy when my nausea eased up a bit in the 2nd Trimester. Most women work until they go into labor. So why was I having so much trouble so early? I couldn't imagine getting any bigger and what that would bring.

At this point I had a small group of girlfriends who were either expecting themselves or were new mommies who I began to chat back and forth with regarding my pregnancy 'side effects' (as I will call them). Thank God for them. Really. You know who you are, thank you for being there for me. Most women I talked to hadn't had such a debilitating pregnancy, but anyone who could relate to any of my 'pregnancy symptoms' made me feel just a little bit better and just a little bit more normal.

One of the hardest parts of this stage of my pregnancy was being put on bed rest at this point. I was told I could shower and make myself food, that was it. I had to try to get the contractions to stop coming. I was having cramping and pain in my hips and back every single day. I could no longer walk up and down stairs without causing my contractions to get stronger. So Ross and I had to leave his mom's condo and move in with my mom in her ranch where I could avoid stairs and a lot of walking. Ross just wasn't able to work and take care of me at the same time.

At this point, I could no longer dress myself; not because of your typical, "I can't reach my toes" kind of pregnancy issue, but because to bend caused me great pain. The baby was in a position that caused something some women feel during actual labor called 'back labor' where the baby is pressing their head on your spine. Quite comfy, let me tell you! Except, lucky me, I was having 'back labor' pains weeks before I was due. I tried back exercises but they didn't help. At this point I could hardly walk or stand for more than 10 mins at a time. I was tired of being in pain and not being allowed to go anywhere. It was like being on house arrest.

We snuck in some pregnancy photos right before I was put on bed rest.
Ross thinks he's funny demonstrating what life is like as a pregnant lady. Ha.

At this point, talking to my 'Mommy friends' got me through this time stuck in the house. My mom and my husband helped me out immensely. They were so patient and kind, and I know they were tiring of helping me. But I reached a point where I had to practically be helped into the bath tub every so many hours when my back pain became so intense that I could not sit, stand or lie down. Only floating in the tub provided me some relief.

I tried to get answers from my Obgyn as to why I was experiencing these profound pains that most women don't have until they are in "real labor". She told me that I was just really small and that was why I was having so much trouble. I know plenty of mommies who were even smaller than I was and had not had my lovely issues.

So I promised myself I would never make myself go through this again. I was back to being sick on a daily basis and had to start taking Zofran again in order to eat and function. My daily routine basically consisted of me floating in the bath tub for a couple of hours, going through Lord knows how much water. I would eat meals in the tub just to be able to stay in longer and have relief from the pain. Ross figured out that if we looped my pregnancy pillow into two circles stacked on top of one another, I could rest my belly inside it and have some of the pressure taken off my back without having to be in the tub constantly. In the weeks b/w 32-35, I could sit on an exercise ball to get some relief but after week 36, only the tub and pregnancy pillow provided relief.

Week 36 was hell. I cried everyday because the pain was so intense. I had insane contractions and back labor pain. My OB was out of town, and my mom was getting ready to go on vacation for her 60th birthday and 11 year anniversary. One of my closest friends was also going through trouble with early labor and she and I joked about how our boys were competing to see who could be born first. I just can't stress enough how those who stayed in touch with me made such a difference getting me through each day.

Luckily the week my mom was in Mexico, Ross's mom came home from Florida to help take care of me, and the pain was more manageable in week 37. I still would need to get into the tub once the pain would suddenly hit, but I had moments where I could sit in the living room and watch t.v. without any pain. Those times were a blessing.

Most people had no idea how hard this pregnancy was on me. I was just ready for it to be over. I wanted my baby out and safe. I was tired of all of these 'false labor' trips to Triage at the hospital. I kept asking how on earth I was going to know when the real thing would happen since all of my symptoms mimicked being in labor. They told me I would just know. #Awesome and #Thanksfornothing.

My mom came home the 24th. I talked to God that night and told him that I had enough and couldn't take the pain and suffering anymore. I begged him to let my baby come. I was beyond ready. That night at 1:00a.m. just two hours after we had gone to bed, my water broke! And thank the Lord, it BROKE! Not just a trickle, it was gushing just like in the movies! (I had been told by my Ob not to get my hopes up for an obvious sign that my water had broke) I woke up Ross and my mom. Ross called the Ob office and she told me I could shower but then I had to go in to Triage.

In Triage I was checked to make sure my water had really broken, and was officially admitted. Sadly, I will always remember that night as the first night the rioting began after the verdict that the police officer would not be put on trial. We watched a bit of the news about the buildings being burned, but then I decided I didn't want to hear about all of that hate and destruction on the day of my baby's birth. For us, this would be a beautiful day to remember.

They checked me in and got me a room! After all of the trips to Triage, I was finally being moved to a delivery room! Sadly, the two birthing rooms with a tub were taken. I wasn't sure if they would have allowed me to get into the tubs anyways since my water had broken, but those rooms were so much nicer than the rest. I wish they would just make more rooms with tubs since they are clearly so popular and in high demand.

Then the waiting game began. Thank God my water broke because I was still not dilated! I would have been sent back home had my water not broken. Good grief! This time however, the contractions really started getting stronger. This was really it!

I will leave the rest of the birth story for another blog post.

My husband and I were grateful and blessed to have a "healthy" pregnancy in terms of our little boy being healthy. We are appreciative of the opportunity to be parents. Just because I had a miserable experience being pregnant does not mean that I am not grateful for the opportunity to be a mommy. I just wanted to put that part out there. However, since the only explanation I was given to why I had such difficulty carrying my baby was that I was small, I have no reason to believe my next pregnancy would be any different. I did a lot of research on nausea and morning sickness during pregnancy. Those who are ill throughout most of their pregnancy tend to have the same experience again in the next pregnancy.

My husband and I would like to buy a house in the near future, and we just can't afford another year of my not working. Even though time is already fading the memories of my pregnancy pain, I have to document what I went through so I can remember how hard it was on us. I wasn't the only one who was impacted by my debilitating pregnancy. It caused me to have to quit my job, which is obviously a big deal, it put off buying a house, which is a huge deal, and it was just a lot of work for my husband and my mom.

Ross was the most supportive husband a girl could have asked for. My pregnancy was the most humbling experience of my life. We put our wedding vows of "through sickness and health" to the test. It's no secret why women are willing to put their bodies through pain and suffering to have more children. Once they are here, it was all worth it. I love our little boy. He was worth every moment. But there is no reason why we can't just spoil him rotten and have a family of three. Or we might decide to adopt or a foster a child. We can choose to do that too. Only time will tell.

Happy 30th Birthday Husband! You are the best husband a woman could ever ask for. I love you!

Birth Story Part 2

When I first go into my room and met our nurse, she hardly spoke and seemed to be in a bad mood. I asked her if she would not put my iv on the side of my wrist because it had caused me a lot of pain in the past. So what did that ...... do? She put the damn thing in the side of my wrist! And guess what? It caused me a ton of pain and it didn't go in properly. So she had to take it out and try the other arm. She put it in the same spot on my other arm. GRRR. I was so close to asking for a different nurse right there in that moment. Ross and I tried to be friendly to her, but she was little miss crabby! I asked her what time she would be my nurse until, knowing she would leave at the end of her shift, and she told me 7. Luckily she pretty much left Ross and I alone to breathe through the contractions, and she was gone by 7a.m.

Ross slept for the good first part of my labor. I just tried to breathe through the contractions, but I couldn't help but feel bummed that all of this was not going the way I thought it would. I had this whole idea of changing positions and walking around and using an exercise ball. The ball the brought me was pumped up with too much air so it caused more pain than it helped. I had stupid painful Iv's in my arm with pitocin to help my labor along since I wasn't progressing and it had been hours! I was feeling extremely discouraged and really needed some kind of boost.

Then, Mary Poppins walked through my door! Okay, not really, but she was the sweetest lady I have ever met in my life, and her name was Donna. If you go to Akron City Hospital to deliver, ask for her. She is amazing. She helped me breathe when they contractions were horrific. All morning long I had horrendous contractions with no sign of progressing through labor. I was starting to wear out. I was getting to the put where I couldn't breathe through the end of the contractions and it was then that I agreed to the epidural. I was scared to death of getting that shot. Ross was allowed to stay while they put it in, and it was definitely not enjoyable. I could feel the left side of my body going numb, but not so much the right. The anesthesiologist told me I could have it removed and redone, but there was no way I was going through that again. I said just leave it. I get what I get and that's it. I had relief for many hours. It was until the epidural began wearing off and I could feel the contractions again that I was checked and was finally starting to progress! When 2:00p.m. came along, I was really getting discouraged.

A young male med student came in at some point and introduced himself and told me he would be there for the delivery. When he left I looked at Ross and said, "No Students! You tell them No! I want as few people in this room as possible when he is coming!!!" Let me give you a spoiler, don't ever say you want something in life to go a certain way, unless you really want a big surprise. Ha.

I didn't want some insanely long labor, and yet here I was. They OB on duty told me he might not come today, and I was really upset. My lovely nurse Donna decided it was time I accept a little refill of the epidural to help get me through the contractions again once I was tuckering out from my breathing. The medicine slightly helped until I was almost 10 cm. Then, at least 8 other women on my floor began the final stages to push and MY Donna had to help a girl next door deliver her baby. A new nurse came in just to keep an eye on me, and I told her this was it. I felt ready to push so someone had better give me the green light. I started doing the "blowing the candle thing" where you blow if it is not time to push when you get a sensation to push so you don't rip.

The Dr. came in and told me I was at 10!! I was bummed that Donna was not going to be there for me when she had been so amazing all day long. The med student had come in and checked on me a few times that day, and sure enough, there he was along with this nurse I had just met and I was ready to push. Ross had one leg, the med student had the other, and the new nurse was playing catch.

It turned out, they were exactly the team I needed. They told me my Dr. had been called, but wouldn't get here until right before the baby was ready to make his way into the world. Everyone kept asking us if we had his name ready. The truth was I had been resisting the name that was meant to be for months. The day Ross and I found out we were having a boy, I was getting the ultrasound and Ross was sitting across the room from me in a chair. I was so sure it was a girl. In the first moment of shock, I heard the name Jackson in my head. Later we went out to lunch so I could let the news sink in that we were having a boy, and Ross told me he had the same experience. Call it divine intervention or whatever you want to, but it was quite freaky. I had eliminated that name from our list of choices because it was so popular, and because my cousin had named her first born son that name. Granted, they do live in Texas and he is a teenager, but still. So for the next few months I searched for a different name.

Fast forward to me pushing in the delivery room, and in my head I was saying, "Come on Jacks!" I looked at Ross and started to cry, I knew that was going to be his name. We just felt that it was what God wanted his name to be. Call it corny, but you don't mess with that feeling. You just go with it. The nurse told me the pushing was going to take 3 hrs. I told her the hell it was! My epidural wore off the right side of my body completely. I was having a half natural child birth. This group of three ended being the most awesome team for me. The nurse made me use the mirror so I could see even though I didn't want to, but it really did help me see the progress I was making.  I pushed with every contraction for an hour and a half. My OB finally arrived right on time! Sadly the little guy was in distress, and as little as he was, and 10 cm or not, they had to give me an episiotomy and use the vacuum to get him out.

I had wanted a natural child birth where I birthed in a tub. The tub room was taken, and by the time the last few weeks of my pregnancy came along, I was over the idea of not having pain relief. I was done with being in pain. I didn't care if it didn't make me the bravest mom alive to willingly feel horrid pain. Yet, when the actual delivery was happening, I felt everything. My epidural had worn off and it was way past time to get a "refill". I felt everything in the end. The cutting, the vacum, the stitching. To top it all off, there were abouut 20 ppl in my room for the final moments. So much for my birth plan. I guess using the vacuum requires a niccu unit to inspect the baby right after birth. Oh, and I should mention I wanted to do skin to skin immediately after he was born. I couldn't do that either.

But finally, our baby was born! I cried with relief when I heard him cry. The pregnancy was finally over! The 300 ppl (Okay I am overexagerating slightly) finally cleared out, and I was done! Ross and I had a moment where I finally got to do skin to skin. Then my overexcited hubby started calling our family, and the next thing I know, they were all on their way. Jackson was born at 6:44p.m. I have to admit, as sweet as it was for our family to all come. I wish we had more time with just the two of us to soak it all in before we had visitors. Ross hadn't even held Jackson yet by the time our whole family was there. It didn't seem like a big deal at the time, but it kind of bothers me now. I think the Mom and Dad should definitely hold the baby first before visitors come. I even wish we had waited until morning. I hadn't slept in so many hours.