My Wedding Story Part 1. Lessons Learned & Wedding Advice

So, I realize it has been over two months since my wedding and I have not written anything about it, but there have been so many amazingly helpful and supportive friends and family who made my day a reality that I was afraid to blog and say that there was anything I didn’t like.

So first, let me hand out roses. (You know the rose and thorn game, a rose for the good things and a thorn for the bad?)

 Okay anyways. Right from the day of our engagement, my mother, her sister my future sister and mother and law, best friend and other friends were already giving me wedding advice. They were so caring and helpful along the way. I appreciated this so so much!

 The life lesson I learned from the planning experience however was that if you ask for someone’s opinion, and you don’t take it, prepare for the possibility of them being offended and or hurt.

 My advice to future brides, is to do what you want within your budget. The budget is super important. 

While we are at this point in the conversation, let me say that for every person who says they wish Pinterest existed when they were planning their wedding, let me tell you that Pinterest broke my heart a couple of times along the way. Sure, there are some awesome, cute and clever diy ideas for weddings, or links to awesome wedding décor, BUT in my experience, diy projects do not always turn out as perfectly as they are represented in a picture from Pinterest. 

I have noticed a trend in boards titled “Pinterest recipes that work, or that taste good!” These have been created for a reason.

Also, the financial aspect of Pinterest is that you could easily find and endless supply of diy ideas that are supposed to save you money but they can also easily bust your budget. So you have to be careful. I fell in love with the idea of sequened table cloths for every table only to learn that they cost over $40 bucks per table and they had to be shipped from out of state from most places I found online. (Hence going with only the sweetheart table having a sequence table cloth.)

If you do fall in love with an idea for your big day that you found on Pinterest, be sure to test it out early enough to find an alternative if you can't create it the way you like. 

We loved the idea of submerging sticks in water inside tall glass vases as a part of our center pieces. We were going with a rustic theme. Then we remembered that wood floats. I know, I know. We should have known. See, I told you pictures are deceiving. Then, it was only upon closer inspection of the lovely enlarged photo from Pinterest that I discovered those fake large plastic diamonds were glued to the sticks to weigh them down and hold them under the water. More work, and more money. Here is an example. The picture I found was quite a bit cuter, however, in my after wedding desire to delete my secret wedding board, I deleted all of my ideas hoping to never have to look at them again. 

At first wedding planning was fun. Then it became annoying and stressful. I am pretty sure my hubby and I experienced for better or for worse before we exchanged our vows. I found myself trying to please everyone in my planning, leaving my fiance and I completely stressed and sick of planning. We just wanted it to be over with already so we could return to our normal lives. Have any other brides felt this way? It would be great to know I wasn't the only one. 

We booked the DJ through my Dad. It was someone he had worked with and knew. Our initial meetings went well enough, but when the wedding drew near, I was more concerned about the timeline than he was. My advice with communicating with the DJ? Make an exact timeline of everything you want to do at the reception. Include names for each event with names of any participants. For example, our DJ didn't use our bridal party's last names and it sounded really stupid. Just saying. Eat as quickly as you can so you can walk around and say Hi to everyone so you can get the dance music going. Our DJ played slow songs for far too long and people started leaving while we were making our rounds saying hi to everyone. I felt like I was cracking a whip at my DJ and telling him when to do what all night long. I shouldn't have had to do that. It was exhausting and I felt like I couldn't enjoy myself. I even called him the week of to go over everything and I emailed him an order of when I wanted things to occur. 

There are so many details and crazy stories I could tell you about that happened behind the scenes during our wedding day, but in order to not make one post insanely too long, I will post things a little at a time. But in the mean time, here is our wedding video put together by our wonderful brother in law and photographer, Mike Rich! Click the word "Video" below. Thanks for reading. More on the big day to come soon. 

Video

Wedding Video Ross & Ashlie - 10.05.2013

Baby Talk

So I guess I should start by saying, this is going to be a bit personal and a bit raw. Why that still may surprise some ppl that I write about how I feel is beyond me. I am an English major. I have been taught about great writers who tell stories that are honestly about themselves hidden in the lives of fictitious characters.

But I am not a fictitious character.

Some of the blogs that I really enjoy are ones when the blogger is real, open, down to earth and honest. If you don't like it, you don't have to read it. It's so simple. But we often forget our paths are own on, and we cannot compare our paths to other people's paths.

With that said, I am going to talk about the baby discussion.

Let's face it, you can't get on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Blogger, Pinterest, or whatever social media without pictures and stories all about people's children posted everywhere. Talk about oversharing. Total strangers, acquaintances, friends, family and coworkers all know about your child's pink eye, flu, first time going on the potty, new outfit, trip to the zoo, pics with grandma, adorable hair bow, halloween costume, baptism, injuries, heartbreaks, you name it! If it happens, big or little, you post it online for the world (or your followers) to know about.

Before I was married, I was told there is this secret little divider line, an imaginary club b/w the married and unmarried women. They view each other differently. It's honestly based on personal view how one side sees the other, but there is just some unwritten view there. For instance, before I was married, my family never took my relationships seriously until I was engaged. And I have been in just a couple long term relationships, and handful of shorter ones throughout my dating experience. It's almost as if I felt sometimes like married women didn't trust me as long as I was "on the market" still. Once I was engaged, I could see the difference in some women I knew. It was like, "few, I don't have to worry about her now." For some of us, there is no difference b/w how we see other women, married or not. But for others, we might not even realize that we treat and view the two sides completely differently.

Is it a jealousy thing? Perhaps in some cases. This goes for some sides of the spectrum. How many women are themselves, or know someone who is not that confident in themselves? Do you envy someone else for their looks, career, talents, etc?

I have only been married for one month as of tomorrow, and I feel different now that I am married. But a new line is being drawn. Now that I am married, there is a baby line.

Engaged

I have friends on all spectrums. I have friends who have kids but are no longer married, those who are married and have yet to have kids, those who are still single, those who are engaged, those who are married with kids, those who are married and trying, and those who are married and happy with not having kids at all. We all have different paths. Sometimes what works for one person will not work for another, and vice versa.

Now that my husband and I are married, we have been talking about the future and when and if we want to grow our family. Sure, we just got married, but we have been together for over 4 years now, and I am 28 years old.

Wedding Day

I have worked with kids for as long as I can remember. We're talking maybe at 12yrs. old I started babysitting. I was a Nanny and preschool teacher for years. I have always loved kids. But I don't have any of my own yet because I have been "responsible".

One of the toughest things for me right now is to watch parents who don't want their children around as much as possible, cannot afford their children, and yet they have more than they can handle. And here I am, someone who would love them and enjoy their presence in my life, only to have to wait for the "right" time. Has anyone else had that "when the time is right" "when we have enough money" "when things are in order". Blah Blah BLAH! Line?

It's just hard. I am not a patient person. I wish I was, but it apparently just does not come naturally to me. I always said that I didn't want to be 30 or over when I had kids, especially just having my first one. But life happens, and here I am, waiting.

We have things to get in order, so I have to wait. Sure, I am a newly wed, but something about that number 3-0 scares the heck out of me. Because then you have to wait even LONGER to have kids. I don't want to be a parent who doesn't have the energy to be a part of their child's life.

But then again, I have talked to people who have told me that having kids changes everything. To enjoy time alone first. What do you think I have been doing for the past 4 years? Sigh.

That's the thing though, everyone has what they consider the "perfect time" for everything. How long to wait before you get engaged, how long an engagement should be, how long to be married before you have kids, and what order those all happen in. But we all have to do what works best in our own lives.

So who knows, for now, I will wait. I suppose that "when the time is right" (though I have also been told there is never a "right" time), then it will happen if it is supposed to. In the meantime, people might wonder a little less why I love my cat so much. ha. My husband got her to tide me over from wanting children. It's working out real well. ;)

Conquering my first novel.

For many years now, I have had the desire and dream to write a novel for young women based upon some of my own life experiences, and those of women whom I have met.

Most people know that a first novel is bibliographical, because the easiest and most comforting way to begin any new endeavor is to begin with the known. The unknown can be so frightening.

I have slowly prepared myself for conquering this task for quite a while now.

I began writing plays as a young child, and talking my childhood friends into acting them out.

I wrote in journals as a young girl and teen, and well into my early twenties. Then I put on my big girl panties and started a blog.

In college, I majored in English, and took many courses that allowed me to practice my creative writing skills and introduced me to criticism and "positive feedback". The best part of college is the hope you are given to honestly attain your dreams. Improving a skill you love is certainly good for the ego.

But more importantly, my college classes gave me the much needed push to have the guts to share my writing.

Believe me, I was always nervous and petrified for classmates and professors to read my work. I was always mortified if I made a lot of errors, or if my work needed major rewriting. However, it was all a part of the process of becoming a better writer.

On another side of the equation to reaching my goal, I have been giving inspirational talks at retreats since I was in middle school. It's not public speaking alone that made me so nervous I wanted to get sick, but opening up to total strangers about personal, deep stuff that had me scared to death.

I was afraid of being judged, and in turn disliked. It's scary to put yourself out there.

In college my peers would help me improve my grammar and creative writing skills, and in the blog world, anonymous readers would either praise my posts, or rip them apart. But if J.K. Rowling can still publish novels under pseudonyms, than I can sure do that before I find out how good of a writer the rest of the world (or however large of an audience I am ever able to reach) thinks I am.

But I have a goal that is deeper than just putting out a best seller. I want to honestly reach young women. I want to teach them life lessons that they can learn vicariously through my stories I write without having to ever experience them on their own.

In this past month, I attended an In-service at work, and a women's retreat that have both pushed me to the idea of making time to accomplish my dreams. It may be something I have to suck it up and try, but what I heard this month, is that you have to try or you will never achieve your dreams.

I have had to ask myself, do I want to take the easy road in life, live in mediocrity and just skate by, but never follow my heart to what I want to do with my life, or do I take chances, get dirty, and try my damnedest to write a successful novel?

It may be scary to put myself out there, but I won't know if I can if I never try.

At the retreat, I mentioned that I have never had the experience of praying, flipping open my bible, and finding God's words that spoke to me in that moment. Tonight, that happened to me for my first time ever.

I have been praying about writing, and what to do with my future, when I turned to Ezekiel , and these words in bold popped right out at me. "You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny." -Psalm 73:24-25

And there on the next page, I found Ezekiel Chapter 2, titled "Ezekiel's call and commission".

Though scripture was written so long ago, if we relate the stories to what we are experiencing in our own lives, the message can work in our lives for us today. In the chapter I read, God is commissioning Ezekiel and says"

"You must give them my messages whether they listen or not." The chapter talks about how the nation of Israel at the time was full of stubborn and hard-hearted people. Tell me that does not sound familiar in our nation today? Are we not stubborn? I know some of us are hard hearted. We may not feel that way on the inside, but what do we show outside? Are we kind, or are we hard?

No matter how well I write my message that I hope some will find encouraging, there will always be critics, and there will be people that have to learn from their own mistakes. But does that mean I shouldn't write what I want to anyways? Of course not. If only people who were cruel and judgmental used that time to do something good in the world. That is all I want to do.

What have you been holding back doing for fear of judgement? Is it worth it to not try to achieve your dreams due to fear of failure? What do you wish you could do differently in your life? I dare you to try it.

Be brave. You just might be glad you were.

In the right place, at the right time.

I am one of those people who doesn't believe in chance. I believe I am placed in the right place at the right time in life for a reason. Some people may agree or disagree with this idea, but I believe it is so through my own life experiences. Take today for example:

I work in a place that helps lower income families afford childcare. We meet people who are literally working hard to provide for their families, and overcome life's many obstacles. A lot of the clients I meet are women, and so many of their stories touch my heart. Being that I am a woman, I really feel for some of the women out there, who are no longer with the biological parents of their children. I am not saying women are perfect or anything, (though hey, we are pretty amazing!) But, women will always have the main responsibility of caring for their children and their families.

Sure we are supposed to be the caring and compassionate ones, but since I have come to learn that not all men respect women for the awesome compassionate care givers that we are, sometimes we have to stick up for ourselves and each other.

The each other is the important part in this story. Today my fiancé and I went  tanning after work. We are getting ready for the wedding. (Less than 3 months!) On our way out, I thought it might be a good idea to go over to the Christian store a plaza over and see what ceremony programs they had. Our pastor had mentioned that we should stop there and check them out. I was sure my fiancé wouldn't feel up to it, but to my surprise, he agreed!

We went to the Christian store and checked out the programs, but wanted to wait and look at others before we picked ones that we weren't in love with. On our way out to the cars, we heard and saw and couple screaming at one another across the parking lot. Multiple people in the plaza parking lot stopped to stare, but not a single person asked if the woman who crying was alright.

She was holding her face, crying and yelling that the man she was with had just punched her! So may spectators looked as if they were trying to decide if they should step in, but no one did. The man went into the liquor store (I know, like that was going to help the situation) and the woman walked away from him and went out into the parking lot. She was sobbing and talking on the phone. I made the decision that I was going to be the only one who had to have the guts to check on her.

I rolled down my window, pulled up and asked her if she was okay. She was on the phone with her mom, telling her to meet her at the man's house so they could take her child and leave. I was so happy she was getting herself out of the situation, but I was worried about her. She proceeded to tell me the man with her had beat her on multiple occasions, and had just hit her, right there in the parking lot! I so badly just wanted to tell her to get in and take her someone safe, but I knew she had a child she was trying to get home to. I asked her if I could call the police for her, and get an address to where they were going. The man walked out of the store and told her to tell her "friend" goodbye. She hurried and gave me her address and their names, and thanked me for calling the police for her.

I hated that she was getting back in the car with him!  I pulled out of the parking lot and pulled over into a new one where I called 911 to tell them what had just happened. If I hadn't had done that, no one else would have. But now, she has back up. Even if it's scary to be brave in those kind of circumstances, someone has to step up. When public situations arise, everyone waits for someone else to make a move. You have to plan ahead of time to be the person to take the first step.

If I had been in her shoes, I would have wanted someone to call for me. So if you pray, say a prayer for her please, that she gets away from that man who thinks it's okay to hurt her, and she has the courage to leave and love herself and child enough to know they deserve better.

I wouldn't have been there had I not randomly decided to go to the Christian store to look at wedding programs.

I honestly believe my current job helped give me the courage to stand up for that woman today. I have a zero tolerance policy for abusive men, and the tough ladies I work with have really helped me be stronger too. I thank them for that if they are reading this! My new job has brought out a protective side of me. I'm so proud to work in a place where the employees really care about what they do; where they
work hard to make a difference in people's lives. I'm lucky in that sense.

Sometimes ladies, we have to help each other out. Be true to yourself, and love one another.


X0X0
Ashlie