Conquering my first novel.

For many years now, I have had the desire and dream to write a novel for young women based upon some of my own life experiences, and those of women whom I have met.

Most people know that a first novel is bibliographical, because the easiest and most comforting way to begin any new endeavor is to begin with the known. The unknown can be so frightening.

I have slowly prepared myself for conquering this task for quite a while now.

I began writing plays as a young child, and talking my childhood friends into acting them out.

I wrote in journals as a young girl and teen, and well into my early twenties. Then I put on my big girl panties and started a blog.

In college, I majored in English, and took many courses that allowed me to practice my creative writing skills and introduced me to criticism and "positive feedback". The best part of college is the hope you are given to honestly attain your dreams. Improving a skill you love is certainly good for the ego.

But more importantly, my college classes gave me the much needed push to have the guts to share my writing.

Believe me, I was always nervous and petrified for classmates and professors to read my work. I was always mortified if I made a lot of errors, or if my work needed major rewriting. However, it was all a part of the process of becoming a better writer.

On another side of the equation to reaching my goal, I have been giving inspirational talks at retreats since I was in middle school. It's not public speaking alone that made me so nervous I wanted to get sick, but opening up to total strangers about personal, deep stuff that had me scared to death.

I was afraid of being judged, and in turn disliked. It's scary to put yourself out there.

In college my peers would help me improve my grammar and creative writing skills, and in the blog world, anonymous readers would either praise my posts, or rip them apart. But if J.K. Rowling can still publish novels under pseudonyms, than I can sure do that before I find out how good of a writer the rest of the world (or however large of an audience I am ever able to reach) thinks I am.

But I have a goal that is deeper than just putting out a best seller. I want to honestly reach young women. I want to teach them life lessons that they can learn vicariously through my stories I write without having to ever experience them on their own.

In this past month, I attended an In-service at work, and a women's retreat that have both pushed me to the idea of making time to accomplish my dreams. It may be something I have to suck it up and try, but what I heard this month, is that you have to try or you will never achieve your dreams.

I have had to ask myself, do I want to take the easy road in life, live in mediocrity and just skate by, but never follow my heart to what I want to do with my life, or do I take chances, get dirty, and try my damnedest to write a successful novel?

It may be scary to put myself out there, but I won't know if I can if I never try.

At the retreat, I mentioned that I have never had the experience of praying, flipping open my bible, and finding God's words that spoke to me in that moment. Tonight, that happened to me for my first time ever.

I have been praying about writing, and what to do with my future, when I turned to Ezekiel , and these words in bold popped right out at me. "You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny." -Psalm 73:24-25

And there on the next page, I found Ezekiel Chapter 2, titled "Ezekiel's call and commission".

Though scripture was written so long ago, if we relate the stories to what we are experiencing in our own lives, the message can work in our lives for us today. In the chapter I read, God is commissioning Ezekiel and says"

"You must give them my messages whether they listen or not." The chapter talks about how the nation of Israel at the time was full of stubborn and hard-hearted people. Tell me that does not sound familiar in our nation today? Are we not stubborn? I know some of us are hard hearted. We may not feel that way on the inside, but what do we show outside? Are we kind, or are we hard?

No matter how well I write my message that I hope some will find encouraging, there will always be critics, and there will be people that have to learn from their own mistakes. But does that mean I shouldn't write what I want to anyways? Of course not. If only people who were cruel and judgmental used that time to do something good in the world. That is all I want to do.

What have you been holding back doing for fear of judgement? Is it worth it to not try to achieve your dreams due to fear of failure? What do you wish you could do differently in your life? I dare you to try it.

Be brave. You just might be glad you were.

In the right place, at the right time.

I am one of those people who doesn't believe in chance. I believe I am placed in the right place at the right time in life for a reason. Some people may agree or disagree with this idea, but I believe it is so through my own life experiences. Take today for example:

I work in a place that helps lower income families afford childcare. We meet people who are literally working hard to provide for their families, and overcome life's many obstacles. A lot of the clients I meet are women, and so many of their stories touch my heart. Being that I am a woman, I really feel for some of the women out there, who are no longer with the biological parents of their children. I am not saying women are perfect or anything, (though hey, we are pretty amazing!) But, women will always have the main responsibility of caring for their children and their families.

Sure we are supposed to be the caring and compassionate ones, but since I have come to learn that not all men respect women for the awesome compassionate care givers that we are, sometimes we have to stick up for ourselves and each other.

The each other is the important part in this story. Today my fiancé and I went  tanning after work. We are getting ready for the wedding. (Less than 3 months!) On our way out, I thought it might be a good idea to go over to the Christian store a plaza over and see what ceremony programs they had. Our pastor had mentioned that we should stop there and check them out. I was sure my fiancé wouldn't feel up to it, but to my surprise, he agreed!

We went to the Christian store and checked out the programs, but wanted to wait and look at others before we picked ones that we weren't in love with. On our way out to the cars, we heard and saw and couple screaming at one another across the parking lot. Multiple people in the plaza parking lot stopped to stare, but not a single person asked if the woman who crying was alright.

She was holding her face, crying and yelling that the man she was with had just punched her! So may spectators looked as if they were trying to decide if they should step in, but no one did. The man went into the liquor store (I know, like that was going to help the situation) and the woman walked away from him and went out into the parking lot. She was sobbing and talking on the phone. I made the decision that I was going to be the only one who had to have the guts to check on her.

I rolled down my window, pulled up and asked her if she was okay. She was on the phone with her mom, telling her to meet her at the man's house so they could take her child and leave. I was so happy she was getting herself out of the situation, but I was worried about her. She proceeded to tell me the man with her had beat her on multiple occasions, and had just hit her, right there in the parking lot! I so badly just wanted to tell her to get in and take her someone safe, but I knew she had a child she was trying to get home to. I asked her if I could call the police for her, and get an address to where they were going. The man walked out of the store and told her to tell her "friend" goodbye. She hurried and gave me her address and their names, and thanked me for calling the police for her.

I hated that she was getting back in the car with him!  I pulled out of the parking lot and pulled over into a new one where I called 911 to tell them what had just happened. If I hadn't had done that, no one else would have. But now, she has back up. Even if it's scary to be brave in those kind of circumstances, someone has to step up. When public situations arise, everyone waits for someone else to make a move. You have to plan ahead of time to be the person to take the first step.

If I had been in her shoes, I would have wanted someone to call for me. So if you pray, say a prayer for her please, that she gets away from that man who thinks it's okay to hurt her, and she has the courage to leave and love herself and child enough to know they deserve better.

I wouldn't have been there had I not randomly decided to go to the Christian store to look at wedding programs.

I honestly believe my current job helped give me the courage to stand up for that woman today. I have a zero tolerance policy for abusive men, and the tough ladies I work with have really helped me be stronger too. I thank them for that if they are reading this! My new job has brought out a protective side of me. I'm so proud to work in a place where the employees really care about what they do; where they
work hard to make a difference in people's lives. I'm lucky in that sense.

Sometimes ladies, we have to help each other out. Be true to yourself, and love one another.


X0X0
Ashlie